I was being emo since the beginnning of the year... it became worst each day espeacially during pms... i cant even stand myself being so unhappy, no confidence, beign useless, lazy, beign an annoying ppl everyday... I realise that i am suffering from depression...

I read an article in newspaper which is about depression... and what they said matches with my symtomps..

many ppl dun understand me.. they will just say, "you thnk too much la".. i dont like to thnk so much also... but i just cant... they thnk that i am jz being paranoid, like to create my own problems, liek to have my own weird theories and so on...Some will even thnk that i do all these just to get attentions... i am not!! I am reali sad when everyone thnk i am like that... people jz dn understand hw it feels la... No matter wad, i cant be asking ppl to understand me and be patient with me...i jz have to chgne myself... but the more i try to chgne myself, the more im nt happy... cz im lyk have to force myself nt to do that... i hate to be an annoying person... i dont like to annoy ppl... i rather keep things to myself now... do things alone...

I started to think wad made me like this...

Firstly, is STRESS
Secondly, is PPL AROUND ME
Thirdly, STUDIES

i started to be lyk this ever since i became Leo president... Tonnes of work made me reli busy and have no time to complete my works... works jz seem to be endless... actually i dont mind doing alot of things... but i reli nid help... i cant do it alone... at that time, less than half of the Leo BOD have enthusiastic in LEO, or in serving the community... Most of them became LEO just for the sake of getting koku marks, they became bod bcz their fren wna be bod, they jz wna look cool with post and so on... they want sth bt nvr wna work for it... they throw everything to me... let me settle it by myself... maybe it is because im useless... im nt able to motivate them, im nt able to convince them to come for meetings... day by day, my confidence got lower and lower... because i started to feel that im useles... i dont have leadership skills, i cant make members come to my gm... i cant make my bod work well with me... and so on....

If u thnk u are so gud and im nt gud, plz... for god's sake... be the president...try to feel how i feel!
i might be nt the best, bt im commited and i reli love LEO....

Next, ppl around are just too realistic and full of lies... I m person that want the truth... If u don wan to tell sth, it is ok, but dont create some stupid lies... u make me feel that u are SO FAKE and SO KIASU.... im kiasu too... but i don hide and tell lies... another issue, take for an example, my class ppl, they want to win class terbersih... but nvr wna bersihkan the class... they expect other ppl to clean the class for them and they can share the reward? cant we just work together? we will feel happy doin it together also rite? haih... wan class party but dwn to plan together? wan to take senior picture but dwn to come to skul? wan ppl to go to u wan take ur pic?

i was once so busy with Leo... so my form 4 studies wasn reli stable... so i had to work extra harder than other ppl, sacrifice more things than other ppl.. i might nt be the one sacrifice the most, but i reli had a hard time to catch up with others... anyway, thanks to miss ong.. because i was depressed cz of my add maths... miss ong made add maths easier and i slowly gt the confidence back... well, so now i have to work on other subjects... dno when will i do it la... ahah.. im stil so lazy....